if we were normal
by Lilli89
Summary: Jay and Erin are starting life as a family... (one-shots)
1. Chapter 1

I'm going to post one-shots about Erin and Jay becoming parents and all the issues that come along with it.

I'm from europe so my english might be not perfect.

However, I still hope you enjoy the story!

CPDCPDCPD

"Oh god. That poor girl. There is no one left who is able to take care of her."

Erin was lying in Jays arms, slowly coping with the events of the day.

"This is going to stuck with her forever. She's got a long road ahead of her."

"Sad but true."

Erin gentely touched the skin of his chest.

"Jay?"

"Yeah?"

"I need to tell you something."

Halstead moved his head to glance at his partner and girlfriend.

"Wait. Don't tell me you fell in love with the new guy that Platt ordered to repair the coffee bean?"

The serious look in her eyes changed his view.

"What is it? Come on. Talk to me, Er", he asked in a tone that sounded strange and unfamiliar to her.

She swallowed hard, refused to look him in the eyes.

"I'm late. I think I'm pregnant."

Jay kept his mouth open and stared at her in shock.

"I know it's not the right time but… I had to tell you. It's just…"

She was lost for words. Erin wanted to get out of bed, but Jay held her back.

"Waite. What about a pregnancy test?"

She nodded.

"Already done. Turned out positive."

Jay felt his feet giving in. Luckily he was already sitting.

There was a long silence.

When he recognized that she was crying, he just pulled her in his arms, hugged her tight and smiled...

CPDCPDCPD

"To Jay and Erin", everyone at Mollys raised their beers, celebrating the news of Halstead and Lindsay becoming parents.

It was one week since they delivered the news to their colleagues and everyone- also including Voight- was freaking out.

Burgess was totally busy with planning Lindsays baby shower while Dawson shared all kind of advices he still remembered from the time his ex- wife was pregnant with their first child.

Meanwhile Hank Voight turned into some kind of an overprotective father, showing Erin all kind of characteristics she had never seen before.

With Hank being a little bit angry at first, she now experienced all concerns during the time that was left until the baby was born.

Erin wasn't allowed to stay at crime scenes. Most of the hours she spend her time with paperwork and researchs or comforting victims.

Never had she thought about the fact that Hank Voight could be kind of a care bear.

Him and Jay already started a contest who supplied Erin with the healthiest food. Hank Voight gave his best to make her working conditions as comfy as possible.

"I can't believe your becoming a father", Mouse took a sip from his road beer slowly proceeding the news, shaking his head.

"Any idea about the gender? Baby boy or girl?"

Jay rolled his eyes.

"Greg, Erin is just 3 months pregnant. They only tell you when the fetus is reaching the 20th week. Despite that. I don't care. I want it to be happy and healthy."

"That's the spirit, bro", Olinsky joined the small group of men, busy with talking about the little human being it already was.

All of them looked up in surprise when Erin entered the bar, ordering an orange juice.

Alvin pulled her in a bear hug, happily looking at her.

Finally Jay walked to Erin, sharing a long kiss, before he placed his hand on her belly.

"Can't wait to meet you, little munchkin", he whispered in direction of the fetus like he was able to talk to his unborn child…


	2. Chapter 2

"Congratulations, you should order more blue than pink. There is a high percentage that it's gonna be a boy", Will informed the couple, smiling at his brother and his sister-in-law.

Fascinated Jay looked at the screen, staring at the little body that moved like it wanted to greet his parents.

"That's good news. You wouldn't have survived a girl, esepcially when it's a copy of me", Erin joked, gentely stroking her skin, before both bursted into laughter.

"4 months in your tummy and already a Halstead. Look at these fingers and toes. He totally looks like you."

"Doesn't help if he shares the character with me", Lindsay joked smiling at the screen.

"Healthy heart beat. No anomalies. Couldn't be happier to meet my nephew", Will explained, cleaning the ultrasound fluid from Erins stomach.

"Enjoy the upcoming weeks. It's never like this again. Especially the nights", Dr. Halstead informed the future parents, saying good bye to each other.

"I guess, someone is happy now", Erin smiled, sharing butterfly kisses with Jay when both sat in the car on their way to the station.

Jay carried her bag when they entered the building, both greeting Platt with a smile.

"It's a boy."

She rolled her eyes, but pulled Erin in a hug.

"Oh man, poor Erin. This is gonna be a rough time. I prayed for a girl", she twinkled but finally stopped joking.

"Don't take it too serious. I was kidding. Hope he is okay."

"Indeed, he is", Erin smiled waving with the ultrasound photo when she recognized Voight taking the stairs.

"Look at that, grandpa", she pointed at the picture , smiling as she did when she met Santa Clause for the first time.

Hank said nothing, just stared at the photo, smiling proudly.

"Good job", he padded on Halsteads shoulder, pointing at his office.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure", he whispered, already anxious because of Voights raspy voice.

He shared irritated glances with Erin who lifted and lowered her shoulders.

"I'll be right back", he whispered into her ear, leaving the grip of his hand.

Quickly Jay followed Voight into his office.

Considering Hanks face his boss wasn't in a good mood.

"Sit down."

Jay followed the order.

Hank folded his hands when his face started to relax.

"Listen, I'm really happy for you and Erin and I will support you no matter what. But I want you to be a responsible father to that kid and I want you to be a good one. Even if you split up one day and even if there will be a time when you would stop loving her. Promise me that, okay?"

"Sure. Although I don't see why we should end our relationship. I love Erin like I never loved someone else before."

"I know. But raising a kid is something different. This boy will show you the darkest and best parts of yourself at the same time. There is no relationship that is out of conflicts while raising a child. And don't make the same mistakes like I did. I wasn't around that much after Justin was born. Most oft he time my wife raised him alone, so I couldn't give him what he would have needed the most. A father that taught him rules and dignity. Since Erin won't stay at home for a year, I started thinking about a solution that would be suitable for both of you. How about sharing the time off? Maybe Erin could stay at home for 6 months after the baby is born and you would take the rest of the year. It's your chance, Jay. You won't get another one. If he is out of diapers for once you might be regret it."

Halstead looked at Voight with wide eyes.

"I don't know. Can I sleep on it?"

"Sure, take your time."

He got up from his chair, hesitated but finally hugged Voight.

"Sarge, I really appreciate what you're doing."

Voight gave him a smile, before he went to the door, ready to deliver the news to Erin…


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you so much for your reviews.

I have to admit that I'm still not comfortable with my english. I'm sure it sounds horrible for someone that comes from the US, United Kingdom or Australia.

Despite that, I still hope you can follow the content.

Thank you again and sorry for my bad english. I wish I was born in the US, but I'm still from europe :/

CPDCPCPDCPD

"Are you sure you can handle that, guys?", Erin screamed from the kitchen while preparing food.

After hitting the seventh month she created the craziest preferences and her hormons still messed with her. Like it happened this day.

Mouse had offered to help Jay to prepare the babys crib what resulted both men sitting at Erins and Jays appartement, trying their best to finish their work.

"Almost done", Greg answered, looking at the instructions in confusion.

"Man, Jay. Are you certain that we talk about part B and not part F here? This bars totally look the same", he sighed staring at the wooden parts oft he crib.

"Just follow the manual", Jay answered prepairing the nails.

"I do, but it looks more like a swing than a baby cot."

"Ouch", Jay got up, rubbing his head, he must have hit on the shelf.

Walking into the living room, Lindsay focused on the chaos desperately. Things started to process slowly since they moved into their new apartement. She didn't know what it was, but suddenly the sight brought tears in her eyes.

Boards and tools were lying around and at this moment she felt like they would never be ready to offer a great home to their unborn.

"Erin, is everything okay?", Jay looked up from the chaos.

Lindsay shook her head, silently leaving the room, before she entered the kitchen.

Sobbing heavily, she opened the refriegerator, reaching for another pair of cheese and ketchup.

It only took seconds before Jay had joined her. He looked at his girlfriend in concern and sighed.

"Hey, why are you crying?"

"I'm not", she whispered, trying to hide her tears but it didn't work.

Jay said nothing, just wiped one tear away with his index finger and pulled her in a hug.

"It just seems like we're never ready to live here. And that's just the beginning of all the other questions. How can I be a good mom when my own mother was a natural desaster, that never cared about me?"

"Erin…"  
She didn't answer, just sobbed into his shoulder.

Helplessely he stroked her back, while sharing overwhelmed glances with Mouse who sneaked back into the living room, like he didn't wittnessed anything.

"Shhh…Baby. It's gonna be okay. Trust me", he kissed her forehead, before she was ready to get out of his embrace.

"Maybe it's just all the hormones."

"Of course."

Jay gave her a kiss.

"How about calling Burgess to meet at the movie theatre? And when you're coming back it's all done here."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No. I promise."

Lindsay gave him a confused look, but finally grabbed her phone.

After walking back into the living room, Mouse looked at Jay in shock.

"Are you insane? This is gonna need a week, probably a month. But one day?"

„Bye, I'm out of here", Erin waved good bye to both men, who waved back with a fake smile, before she left both men.

Shortly after, Jay reached into his pocket to dial a phone number.

"I'm gonna call Ruzek, Olinsky and Atwater. Let the games begin", he told Mouse, who looked at him like a puppy that stole his bosses newspaper...

CPDCPDCPD


	4. Chapter 4

"Push, Erin! Come on, he's almost there", the doctor said, forcing Erin to continue fighting.

Staying at the hospital, because her contradiction already started, it was just a matter of time until the baby was born.

"I can see the head", another nurse informed, when Erin screamed in pain.

"Help me!", she cried into Jays shirt, when another contradiction hit her hard.

"I can't take this. I can't take this anymore. Please", she begged Jay to end the pain, but he finally couldn't. He was just sitting on a chair, rubbing her back, while she was screaming the pain out of her lungs.

"Baby, one more try. Come on. Do it for us", he asked in a low voice, gasping for air, while an unfamiliar dizzyness reached him.

"Detective Halstead. Is everything alright? Your looking a little bit pale right now?", the doctor announced. But Jay denied.

"I'm fine", he lied, feeling how Erins nails, buried into the skin of his arms.

"It hurts so much", she cried, so Jay took one of the wet cloth to moisten her forehead with water.

"I know, Erin. I know. Just think about the baby."

Thats when she pushed for one last time. She screamed and cried until she felt a weight coming out of her body and seconds later a deep cry filled the silence with joy and happiness.

"Alright. Good job. There he is."

Jay felt his eyes getting wet when he looked at the little bundle that was placed on Erins chest seconds later.

"He totally looks like you", Lindsay cried, sharing butterfly kisses with he babies head, before Jay was allowed to hold his son for the first time.

"Hello, buddy. I'm your daddy", he whispered in a raspy voice, breathless watching how his son was wrapping his finger around his own.

Thats when he knew that he was in love…

CPDCPDCPD

"I could watch him all night long. Look at this little hands", Jay smiled, touching the babys fist.

"And his toes. He definietly got the toes from you. Not to talk about the cheeks", Erin stared at their baby boy, who yawned, letting his parents know that he was awake.

They nearly died of cuteness, creating a bright smile on their faces.

"Look, Terry. This is your daddy. Don't worry. He will always protect you. Because he loves you like nothing else in the world", Erin went into raptues.

The baby glanced at both parents like it was fascinated by the things they said.

Finally it was the smell of food from the oven that dusturbed the harmonious atmosphere.

"Seems like dinner is ready. Can you keep an eye on him?"

"Sure."

"He's all yours", Erin said when she wanted to go upstairs.

Suddenly a loud noise filled the silence.

Jay looked up , frightened from the noises that came from the staris.

"Erin, are you okay? What happened?"

But all she got was an whimper from his girlfriends side…

CPDCPDCPD

"Jay, she has to stay at Med. Her injury is more complicated than we thought. That's why she needs a further operation. I can't send her home with you. She needs to be monitored closely.", Will informed his brother after Erin was taken to the ER, because a wet towel brought her to fall down the staircase.

"You have to take care of the baby", the older Halstead told his brother, who still looked at him in shock.

"Will, he's just 7 days old. I can't. He needs his mother."

But the doctor shook his head.

"You're the father. It's your job. There is no other choice. You have to."

Jay, who was ready to cry, followed the doctor to the neighborhood room, where Erin was lying in a hospital bed, tears streaming down her face. Within a minute his whole world changed from good to bad.

"I'm so sorry. I should have been more careful. I'm stupid", Erin sobbed.

Jay denied, sitting down on a chair that was placed next to the bed, taking her hand in his own, trying the best to comfort her.

"Hey, you're gonna be okay."

"Where is Terry?"

"Ruzek is watching him. Trust me, he's doing a good job", Jay soothed her, stroking circles around the skin of her arm.

"I can't even breast-feed my baby. I'm worse than bunny", Erin continued with her self doubts, so Jay placed a kiss on her head.

"Baby, I'm taking such a good care of him. I promise you", Jay told the detective, unaware, that it would be a hard challenge to fulfill the deal…


	5. Chapter 5

"Don't tell me you never changed a diaper before."

After Dawson and Olinsky arrived, the mission of nursing the little one through the first week at home had started.

Overwhelmed by the news that Erin had to stay at the hospital for several days, Jay had decided to request help and with Hank staying at the hospital, he had called for the ones in the team that had children on their own that were already out of diapers.

"Antonio, he is my first and only child. Of course it's a premiere."

"You've visited birthing class with Erin, don't you?", the colleague asked, receiving confused views.

"Yeah, but this is not a plastic doll. It's a baby. A real human- being."

"Okay, it's simple. You just put the piece under his bottom, then you have to close the stripes and…"

Olinsky couldn't end, because it was already too late.

Antonio started laughing, because Jays face was full of pee.

"…and you have to know that boys want to show what they can, as early as possible", the father of two explained.

"Now you have to finish by dressing him."

Jay looked at Olinsky, totally helpless.

"Can you stay the night?"

Both cops giggled like teenagers.

"Come on, guys. I'm drowning here. It's not funny."

Jay took the baby back on his arms and rocked it carefully.

"Never shake him. There is something called shaken baby syndrome that can cause you a lot of trouble. Always remember: It's not a six pack of beer"

"Trust me, a baby is the last thing I would shake", Jay looked at a beer on the counter. For a short moment he couldn't help but smiled.

But he got more serious with looking in his newborns face.

"You have to feed him every 3 to 4 hours. Even if it means waking him up. Since Erin isn't able to give him milk, you should use formula. Crying, moving his head from side to side or placing his hand, finger or fist to his mouth will show you that he might be hungry", Olinsky taught him.

"It's easy. It's always the same rhythm at the beginning. Feeding, sleeping, diaper change. Same things in a row, bro. And don't forget about body contact. It's important to calm him down by letting him know that you're there. This age is vulnerable. You won't catch up what you miss at this time."

Jay looked even more pale than he already used before.

"Come on, man. You're catching the worst guys in chicago. You can do this", Antonio patted his shoulder.

"I mean, look at this little boy. It's your son. Something that will always connect Erin and you. Forever."

The baby started to cry, so Jay instinctively started to whisper words of comfort until Terry stopped whining.

"See? You're doing a good job. Be a little more confident."

Olinsky and Dawson already went to the door, when Antonio stopped in the middle oft he way.

"Tip from an old father: Try kangaroo care."

"How do I do that?"

"It's a technique that is practiced on newborn wherein the baby is held skin-to skin with an adult. The only thing you have to do is to put your shirt off and let him lie on your chest. He's just wearing a diaper. The vestibular stimulation from the parents breathing and chest movement, the voice and natural sounds of breathing and you heartbeat and the natural tendency to hold him leads to positive effects."

Olinsky looked at his colleague in surprise.

"Wow, didn't know that you're such an expert."

Antonio smiled and waved goodbye before he followed Alvin outside.

CPDCPDCPD

Two hours later Terry was lying on Jays bare chest.

His little fingers touched the detectives skin, while a blanket was wrapped around both, avoiding that the newborn would become cold.

Jay kissed his baby boys forehead, proudly looking at the little bundle, that was snuggling on his shoulder.

Mouse was watching the whole scene and smiled like a little kid that got to see Santa Clause for the first time.

"He looks really happy. Seems like Dawson was right. He's enjoying body contact."

Jay grinned, running his hand through Terrys hair gentely.

"You should sit here for the rest of the day. Neven seen him more relaxed during the last hours", Greg whispered, getting a serious sight from Halstead.

"I'm spending my time in this rocking chair since over 30 minutes. My whole body is fallen asleep and I start to get cramps in my legs and arms. If you put me in here for 24 hours, I might be ready to shovel my own grave."

"Come on. Look at this little face and you forget about all that", Mouse joked, carefully stretching his hand to touch Nathans small fist.

"Dude, these fingers. Tiny as a doll. How are you changing his diapers? I would be getting a panic attack."

"Trust me. If you would see me sweating you would know better."

Jay looked down on the little boy that protested by crying when he stopped caressing his head.

"Only 7 days old and such a bad ass", Jay smirked, continuing to stroke his hair, when his phone rang.

It was an incoming message from Erin who replied to the photo he had sent her. It showed him and Nate trying kangaroo care.

"I love you. You two are the best that happened to me", he could read as a text message…

"Forever Terry, you and me."

CPDCPDCPD

*Authors note: Imagine this picture, folks *_*

*Jay Halstead, shirtless sitting in a rocking chair while holding baby Terry in his arms*

Hot as hell


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry, for all the confusion.

The baby's name is Terry not Nathan.

I mixed it up, because the kid in my other story is called Nate.

I hope you enjoy the new chapter!

CPDCPDCPDCPD

"How is Erin?", Antonio asked, when Jay entered the office with Terry, that was lying in a baby cup.

"Resting and healing. Her wound looks better, so there is a big chance she might be released before the weekend started."

Staring at the little human being that started to whine, Olinsky, Mouse and Ruzek stepped closer.

"Man, he looks good. He gained weight, didn't he?"

Jay smiled, looking at the baby, while pulling out his bottle. It was time to feed him.

"He has a weight gain of 6 ounces. We just came from the pediatrician."

The team started to applaude.

"Hey, that's good news", Antonio patted his back.

"Always knew you would make a good father", Alvin twinkled, looking at the little baby boy in Halsteads arms.

Fascinated of the little bundle, Ruzek, Olinsky, Mouse and Dawson watched how Jay started to feed him with a bottle.

Even Voight who just arrived from his office, smiled weakly when he saw his grandson lying in Jays arms, sucking milk from the bottle.

"Erin is still scared that her long stay at the hospital might damage their bond. She's not happy about the whole situation. Neither am I. I'm still afraid that he doesn't accept to be breast- feeded again. I stayed with him all night and day for the first time in his life and now everything changes. The pediatrician told me that there is a risk, that he stops taking milk at all. There are horror stories about babys that have to be fed by a tube."

"Just wait and see, man. Don't panic", Alvin tried to cheered him up.

"She's still his mother. She carried him in her belly for over 9 months", Voight said, stroking the babys cheeks gentle.

Jay finished to feed him, then looked up at Hank and smiled.

"You've got changing clothes with you?", he asked his father-in law, that glanced at him in confusion.

"Yes, why?"

"You want to hold him? But be warned. He didn't burp already."

Voight lifted him up like a professional, took the towel on his shoulder, carefully patted on Terrys back, until he did what had to be done.

"Good job, little man", Voight commended while he felt the baby falling asleep on his shoulder again.

Hank smiled at Jay, gentely giving the baby back to his father.

"You're making me proud", Voight told Jay, fighting the tears of joy in his eyes, before he went back to his office…

CPDCPDCPD

"You didn't think that I was able to handle that, did you?"

Jay crawled on his side of the bed, watching how his son was breast-feeded by Erin.

"You want me to be honest with you?"

"Sure."

Lindsay smiled.

"I expected Will telling me that you got a heart- attack."

Halstead had a hard job to hide his laughter behind his face.

"Be careful what you say", he joked, realizing that Terry moved his little head and started to look at him.

"Seems like you know this guy. This is Daddy", she introduced him, when his fists started to shake like he was excited to see his father, after he had finished drinking.

„You really want to stay with him?"

The baby giggled. Thats when Erin handled him to Jay.

"Ignore Mommy. She's just jealous."

Jay received a develish glance from Erin.

"You're funny", she answered, watching how Terry looked at Jay in fascination, before he snuggled on his fathers chest.

"How about your shoulder? It still hurts?", he caressed her arm.

"I'll live. Could have end much worse", she told him ironically, still enjoying his gesture.

"Will was right. Look at his face. He looks like a clone of me."

"What doesn't mean that he has your character."

It seemed ike Terry was a little bit confused and searched for the nipples, he sucked before.

When he finally found one, he did what he usually learned when he was placed at his mothers breast.

"Ouch", Jay winced when he recognized an unfamiliar feeling.

"What are you doing, little dragon?"

The baby looked up in surprise.

"Hey, little men. This is Daddys breast. There's no milk coming out of here. Or at least: I hope it's not", Erin added, after Terry let go of Jays nipples.

Jay rubbed his chest.

"He already got power. Oh lord, how are you surviving this? Even with this bandages", he gave his girlfirend a sympathetic smile, who reflected his face expression.

"I love you too. And I've missed you. Both of you, guys", she smiled, placing a long kiss on Jays lips.

Thats when the baby started to whine.

"Especially you", she tenderly carressed the babys head.


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you so much for your reviews. I hope you will like the next chapter.

CPDCPDCPD

"How long was he up last night?", Erin asked while preparing for work.

Jay was sitting in the rocking chair with the baby resting on his chest.

It was his part to stay at home with Terry now and to his desperation he became sick just a few days after he started his time off work.

"You don't want to know. His fever is still rising. It's about 103. Finally the medicine is working. So it went back to 102 in the morning. However he cried a lot. I bet he has an ear infection. He's always touching his head while screaming."

"You should drive to Med to make sure that he's okay. Maybe Will can take a closer look at him."

"Yeah. Might be a good idea", Jay touched the forehead of the 8 months old, who was lying in his arms, tired from crying and the fever he was still fighting.

"Call me when you're back home", she begged him, giving Jay a kiss before she left for work.

Alerted by the sound oft he jamming door, Terry opened his eyes and started to cry again.

"Oh come on, buddy. It's just 6 in the morning", Jay soothed the screaming baby, getting up from his chair to walk around.

He gentely patted his back, to calm him down, stroking his little head.

"Shhhh… I know. I know you're ears hurt. Seems like we should meet uncle Will earlier than planed", he put the crying boy on the diaper-changing table.

With Terry screaming that much, it was hard to changed his diaper and his clothes. But after Jay gave him his staffed giraffe, he finally stopped whining.

CPDCPDCPD

"Seems like you're right. His ears are infected. I will give him some antibiotics, so he might feel better in a few days", Will looked through the otoscope what resulted Terry starting to cry again.

"I know, big guy. Thats hurts. Especially when it's already infected", he tried to console his nephew what didn't seem to work.

Thats when Jay put him on his arms and started bouncing to calm his son down.

"Shhhhh… It's alright. You're done", he comforted the baby, who was still distrected by the examination.

"Poor guy. Seems like he's in a lot of pain. You can give him some Mortrin to numb it. But follow the instruction leaflet. And don't stop the antibiotics too early."

Will grabbed a needle, then walked back to the examination table.

"I thought we are ready to leave."

"Can you sit on the chair?"

The younger Halstead looked at his brother in confusion.

"Why are you asking that?"

Will sighed.

"Listen, Jay. He needs his first dosage as soon as possible. So it's better to give him the infusion before you continue with the fluids at home. And since you're not the first Dad that is collapsing right in front of me, I better suggested that you should sit down right here."

Finally Will was right. It nearly killed Jay to watch his son screaming and crying while the doctor inserted the needle with the help of some nurses. Terry was scared to death and Jay really worried that he wouldn't be traumatized after the whole torture.

Tiredly he made it home. Entering the living room he took the baby on his arms while taking a seat on the couch.

The Mortril seemed to work, because Terry had stopped crying. He just watched his Dad with his big blue eyes.

"I know, buddy. That was a rough time. I'm really sorry and I hope you will forgive us for causing you so much pain. But you have to understand that this was necessary to help you."

The 8 months old snuggled on Jays chest and pointed at him with his little fingers.

Seconds later Jay couldn't believe what he saw.

His little boy started to smile for the first time. A magical moment that he was luckily able to witness...


	8. Chapter 8

"Mommy is coming home. Time to show her what you've learned today", Jay told his son, when he noticed Erins shoes entering the floor.

Minutes later Lindsay sneaked into the living room, where she found her son and boyfriend sitting on the carpet, building a tower with bricks.

Recognizing the noises, 11 months old Terry looked up with big eyes and giggled.

"Come on, buddy", Jay begged his son, getting up, so eventually the infant would do the same.

It seemed to work. Terry tried to stay on his own. Helping him to take the first steps, Jay kneeled down and took him by the hand.

"Alright, here he comes", Halstead commented on his toddlers efforts.

Curious Terry tried to take further steps in aim to his mother.

Some inches in front of Erin, Halstead decided that it would be time to let him walk alone.

Slowly he got rid of the little boy, that continued walking on his own.

Erin smiled when she glanced at her son. It was a hard fight not to follow her instincts to grab him and pull him into a bear hug, before he reached her.

Finally arriving in front of his mother, both parents started to applaude.

"Amazing", Erin lifted her little boy up and embraced him, before she overloaded Terrys face with kisses.

The little child continued to giggle and ran his hand through Erins hair.

"How was your day, little munchkin? Did you keep Daddy busy?"

"Bu-sy", the 11 months old repeated, receiving a nod from his mother, who inhaled the decent of his baby shampoo.

Jay stepped nearer and gave Erin a long kiss.

"Come here, buddy. Allow Mommy to get undressed", Jay took Terry into his arms, who still watched his mother putting off her shoes.

" By the way: It's bedtime soon", Jay explained to his son who looked at him like a puppy that had eaten a newspaper.

"No bedtime."

"You little hellion", Erin smirked, tickling her son who started laughing again.

But despite her pokerface, Jay noticed that something kept her busy.

Knowing her since over 7 years, he realised that something was wrong.

Being the one, that read a goodnight story to their son, because of spending time at home, until Terry would celebrate his first birthday, Jay caught Erin two hours later on her desk when she was writing something down, crying in silence.

Looking at his girlfriend in concern, he stepped closer.

Thats when she noticed Jay, looking up frightened, fastly stroking the tears from her cheeks.

"Are you alright?"

She didn't answer, so he grabbed a chair and took a seat next to her.

"Talk to me. What's going on?"

Erin sighed. She wiped her tears away, still ashamed that he caught her in such a vulnerable mood.

"We had a rough day at work. That's all. There is a… cop killer in town. Someone that is murdering detectives and police officers."

"!What?"

Jay couldn't believe what she told him.

"You remember Jenny Skinnert from the 10th precinct? She was found in her apartement. Stabbed to death. It's rumoured that there is a black list outside, including all patrol men and police staff."

Erin looked up at him, fresh tears in her eyes.

"Jay, she had a newborn baby. Thats when I started to think what would happen to Terry if it hits us. It's not only that case. It's more about the whole issue. So, I used to to write letters, in case any or the two of us wouldn't make it home one day."

Jay stared at his girlfriend with wide eyes.

"Did you get a threatening note?"

"No. It's just… we're not 27 anymore. On days like this, I feel what kind of responsibility Terry birth brought with. Facing the fact that he might never know who his dad or his mom were…it scares me. He's still in an age where he wouldn't remember."

Jay put his hand around her shoulder, trying to comfort her as best as possible.

"Erin, hey."

"I love my job. It's not that I regret it, but when I take a closer look at next door… seeing him sleeping, is like I wish there would be other options."

Jay pulled her closer, so she could sneak on his chest, while he inhaled the decent of her shampoo, kissing her hair.

They said nothing, just enjoyed each other.

"Can you start writing letters too? I'll create a box and handle it to Platt or Voight. In case… you know", she wasn't able to speak out what she thought about.

"I think I can do that", he tried to comfort her, gentely rubbing her back...


	9. Chapter 9

"Is Daddy home?", a childish voice asked, before someone tiptoed downstairs and smiled.

"Daddy!", the 5 year old screamed when he recognized his father who just arrived from work.

Jay unlocked his gun, put it in the safe before he stretched his hands, so his son was able to run to him.

Finally he threw the kid through the air, before Terry landed in his arms safely.

Erin who wittnessed the whole scene from the kitchen started laughing, when the kindergartener giggled and put his thumb up, meaning that he was ready for a special father and son game.

„One, two, three", Jay counted to threw Terry up in the air, before he catched him. They continued for a few times, until the detective breathlessly put him back to the ground.

"Can you read me a good night story?", the 5 year old wanted to know, touching his fathers hand.

It wasn't hard to tell that the little boy was really focused on his father.

"I think Daddy will do that", Erin twinkled, while Terry already ran upstairs, preparing for bed time.

"You have no idea how much he asked about you. I'm not the only one who missed you", Erin hugged her boyfriend, who just arrived from a long trip to Springfield where he was forced to take part in an exchange of experiences, that was organized for all detectives in Illinois.

"Daddy, I already brushed my teeth", a childish voice screamed through the house.

"Coming!", Jay yelled back, before he took the stairs, looking at Terry with wide eyes like he was a monster, who made crrazy sounfs before he grabbed his boy and started to tickle him.

Terry giggled and laughed by the attack, before he started revenge.

Exhausted and breathless father and son finally sat next to each other, when Jay opened the book and started to read and with the pages being finished he felt his son snuggling on his chest.

"I love you little man. Don't you ever forget that."

CPDCPDCPD

"Terry, how about…"

Jay froze when he entered the living room. His son was sitting in front of the safe, quietly holding his gun in one hand, while playing with the magazine, already having one finger at the trigger guard.

"Nooooo!", he screamed, running to the part of the room where his boy was playing, ungentle grabbing the weapon out of his hands.

"What are you doing?"

The little boy started to cry, but Jay ignored it. Fastly he ran upstairs, putting the gun in his nightstand, while he allow himself to sit down, trying to get as calm as possible.

He could be dead. Terry could have died, only because of him. He always locked it up. But picking his son up from day care and making a call regarding their new car, leaded to a slight mistake, neglecting to close the safe.

"He's alive", Jay told himself, still fighting the tears in his eyes, while listening to his son sobbing violently.

Terry didn't know. He didn't understand what happened. He didn't realize why his father seemed that angry and rude, not having any idea that Jay was pissed because of himself and that he was still in shock like his son was.

With his whole body shaking, Jay got up to take the stairs.

Terry sat on the carpet, crying into his little hands, when Jay crawled to him, pulling the pre-schooler into a hug.

When Terry started fighting his father, Jay cathed his beats to pull him closer.

"Never do that again. You nearly gave me a heart attack", he started to speak and held him close until he stopped crying.

"Buddy, this is a gun. Not a toy. It could have killed you. Didn't you listen when I said, that the safe is only used by mommy and daddy? We told you so. It's called safe for a reason."

"I'm sorry", the 5 year old sobbed, receiving a concerned look from his father.

Jay took a deep breath, shook his head like he didn't wanted to believe what happened before.

It wasn't anger or rudeness. Just fear and concern.

"Promise me, that you never touch one of our weapons again", Jay begged, getting Terry to nod.

Thats when Jay got an idea. He glanced at their new suv and took his sons hand.

"Okay. How about an experiment. Do you want to join me for a ride to the forest? I want to show you what happens if you pull the trigger of this gun", Jay explained and looked at the couch that was covered by Terrys stuffed animals.

"First I want you to choose one stuffed animal, you don't need anymore."

To Jays sorrow, Terry couldn't decide, so they came to the conclusion that it would be better to take one of Erins old teddy bears. She wanted to put him to the trash anyway, so it wasn't a big loss.

Jay passed the doll to his son, who sat down on the passengers seat.

He had left a note for Erin, telling that they went on a short trip.

It was just a short drive, but the 5 year old seemed to enjoy it, until they reached the edge of the forest.

Jay put his gun into the holder, before they got out of the car. He took Terrys hand, facing him with a strict glance.

"Listen to me. From now on, you are going to follow any order I'll give you, right?"

"Yes."

They walked deeper into the forest, until Jay stopped and grabbed the stuffed animal, that Terry carried with him.

"You stay here, until I tell you otherwise", he instructed his son and brought the doll to a tree stump, before he returned."Again: You're not running to the front line. You just stay here and watch."

For safetys sake, Jay still held his son on one hand, while he took out his gun with his other one.

He focused on the stuffed animal, aimed for the target and pulled the trigger. Thats when a loud bang filled the silence.

A group of birds flew away, distracted by the noise.

Jay unlocked his gun to put it back, before he went to the point where he had left the doll before.

"Come here", he waved to allow his son to get closer.

Jay lifted the toy up and showed it to his son. It had a hole in the middle of the head.

The pre-schooler watched it with wide eyes, mouth open.

"Imagine this was you or me, when you would have pulled the trigger. You get why I was pretty angry when you played with it? If this was Terry, he would be dead right now. And Mom and Dad would be crying and really upset", Jay explained on a level he was sure hiss on would understand.

"I know, it doesn't look like it. But this gun can be pretty dangerous. It kills people, hurts them", he taught Terry, who still glanced at the damaged doll quietly, before he looked at his father, recognizing tears in his eyes….


	10. Chapter 10

"Listen, baby. Your Dad had been shot, so he has to stay with uncle Will at the hospital for a while. It's not that bad. It's just a couple of scratches, but it's the reason why he's not coming back home until Thursday, alright?", Erin explained to her son with tears in her eyes.

Staying at the hospital for 7 hours after Jay was brought in with a gun shot injury turned her into a wrack.

The 7 year old gave her a sad and desperate look, before he started to cry himself.

"Is he going to die?"

Antonio who stayed in the waiting area with Lindsay kneeled down and shook his head.

"No, absolutely not. Your Daddy's a fighter."

Just at the moment the door went open and Will returned from surgery.

"He's out of the wood. It's not that serious. But we need to monitor him closely and…"

"Daddy!"

Suddenly Terry started to run in the opposite direction. It seemed like the news freaked him out, so he started to search for his dad on his own.

Being a fast runner at the age of 7, he was faster than any doctor or nurse, making him the first one, who reached Jays room.

He opened the door with his little hands and stared at his father in shock.

"Daddy!", he cried, recognizing his father lying in a white hospital bed, surrounded by machines, but already awake.

"I don't want you to die. Please don't die", he stammered and the next thing that Jay recognized was his son clinging on him like a little monkey on his mother.

Even before he was able to console his child, Erin and Antonio reached the scene.

"Terry, it's okay. Hey", Jay talked in a whisper to calm his child down.

"No one's going to die. He's gonna be okay", Erin stroked her sons shoulders, while he was still crying into his fathers hospital gown.

It was a heart breaking view for all adults in the room.

The kid was scared as hell and there were no words to make it better.

Lindsay wanted to go home, but there was no way to get Terry only a milimeter away from his Dads bed side.

As soon as Antonio wanted to pick him up he started to scream and kick.

With Terry witnessing the whole scene from the car, he still seemed in shock.

"Erin, you should let him stay here with Jay", Will entered the room, looking at his sister in law in concern.

"I will order a bed, so he is able to stay with his father. It could help the risk of developing a PTSD. He's still in shock after all that. I think we should have an eye on him"

"Alright."

Kissing her child goodbye, Erin followed Wills order, so the room became silent.

Terry crawled onto his bed, that was pushed to his fathers side with the help of his uncle.

"Alright, buddy. Careful with the bandages and cables", Jay warned his son who already placed his head on his shoulder.

Will looked at his brother and nephew in concern.

"You guys know where you find me. If you need help or anything, just push the button."

"Thanks, bro."

Will turned off the light and left them alone.

There was a long silence, before Jay started to speak.

"Terry, I'm okay."

Realizing that hiss on was crying and sobbing, Jay started to stroke circles around his back.

"Listen, I know, it scared the hell out of you to see me like this, but it's not that bad as it looks. This is my job and I did what I had to do. I wanted to get the bad guys to save the good ones."

"But I don't want to lose you. Not like this."

Jay felt the anger rising inside of him. He hated himself for putting his kid in such a situation like this. He always had been a chicago police officer. But since his own boy was born, things seemed a little bit different.

"I know, buddy. That's why I'm going to be really careful."

Still hoping that he would never regret his promise, Jay closed his eyes.  
The next time Will looked into the room, father and son were fallen asleep…

CPDCPD

"What's the matter with you, little guy?", Erin sneaked into Terrys room, after she finished the paper work, she carried home before.

The little boy sat in his bed, that looked like a fire truck from the outside and shrugged his shoulders.

"It's too hot in here. I can't sleep."

With a warm summer reaching chicago and a broken ventilator, staying at the house felt like spending a week in the desert of Arizona.

"And what are we doing now? You've got school tomorrow", Erin reminded her son, who looked even more deperate.

"Can you tell me about our emergency plan?"

"About what?"

Erin stared at the grade schooler in confusion. With Jay already fallen asleep on the couch, she only could assume that it was something Jay his father had told him.

"Yesterday, I had a dream where someone broke into our house and killed both of you. He came to shoot me too. I wanted to run away but I didn't know where to hide."

Erin looked at her boy in shock.

"You didn't tell us."

It wasn't her plan to sound reproachful or let him feel guilty. But she didn't understand the reason why he ate it for so long.

"I don't want to make you sad. In school we have an emergency plan. In case something happens. Isn't there anything like this we could have at home?"

Erin sighed and grabbed his hand.

"Alright, big guy. Let me show you something", she directed Terry to the hallway and finally to her office where she moved a shelf away. The little boys eyes widened when he recognized another room behind it.

"It's some kind of a shelter. There is a safe where Daddy keeps backup guns and other stuff. He had built it, in case something really bad happens. Like war or something else."

"Are you guys in trouble?"

Erin already suspected that Terrys fear belonged to aftermath effects of Jay being shot around three months ago.

"No, baby. There is no need tob e afraid. Grandpa got the guy who shot Daddy. This is over, okay?"

Erin hugged her son, who nodded quietly.

"What about reading another good night story?"

"Another one?"

"Of course."

""Can you stay with me until I fall asleep?"

"Done", Erin twinkled, squeezed his hand and guided him back to his room, where he fell asleep, just a few minutes after she began to read…


	11. Chapter 11

„You should have seen him. He was scared as hell. I mean, this is months ago and he still tries to cope", Erin told Jay on their way to the precinct around one day later, a concerned glance on her face.

„Maybe Will was right and we should have used professional help. Terry had witnessed how his own father nearly had been killed. And he's just 7."

Jay had a serious expression on his face when his eyes met Erins.

He nodded. First he said nothing, then started to speak in a raspy voice.

„I will talk to him. As soon as we get home."

To Jays and Erins unluck, the moment came earlier than expected. It was around 12 a.m when Trudy Platt entered the office to inform Lindsay and Halstead about a call from Terrys school.

With the school nurse noticing that the 2nd grader had a fever and seemed to get sick and Erin interviewing the witness of a crime scene Jay had to pick him up early.

It was nothing serious. Following Wills diagnosis it was a normal flu. But because of the fact that Terry felt really bad, Jay decided that it would be better to take some special vacation days.

CPDCPD

2 hours later, the little boy was lying in his parents bed. Shivering and with a pain in his legs,bones and a sore throat he watched his father removing the thermometer from his arm pit, after he had entered the room with a tablet of fever reducer and other medication.

„Still 103", he read and covered his son with another blanket, before he gentelly ran his hand through Terrys hair.

„Where does it hurt?"

„My throat. I can't swallow. And my head."

„Do you have a stiffed neck", Jay wanted to exclude signs of meningitis, because Will told them tob e back as soon, as he got some special symptoms. But Terry denied.

„No. It's just around my eye-brow."

„You probably get a rhinitis too", he informed when he felt Terry getting up, putting placing his feverish head on his chest.

He just needed his father. Especially when it was sick.

Jay gentely caressed his neck and placed a kiss on his forehead.

„Looks like both of us are heading to some unplaned vacation days", he said, while Terry snuggled on his chest.

„Then no one can hurt you."

Jay looked down to Terry and sighed.

Erin was right. The little boy still felt anxious when it came to the fact of his parents working at the station or going undercover.

„You're scared, aren't you? That's why you like me to stay at home."

„I'm sick."

„I don't deny that. But I think that you also like me to stay here, because you're scared to lose mommy or me."

Terry looked busted. His eyes started to fill with tears.

He got up and tried to sit in bed, pulled away from Jay.

Even if he took his hand.

Halstead watched his son fighting tears, finally losing the battle.

„Every time you leave work, I pray that we don't get a call and have to go to the hospital again. I don't want to lose my Dad."

„Terry. Hey."

The little boy bursted into tears and covered his face with his shaking hands.

He sobbed and started to fight Jay, who wanted to pull him in a hug but finally gave in.

Jay tightened his grip when he cried harder, gentely rocked him in his arms.

„Shhh… It's okay. It's gonna be okay, buddy", he tried to calm his crying kid down until he felt his sobbs turning into sniffles and hicups.

„I'm here. I'm alive", he consoled his son and held him close until he decided that he was stable enough to get out of his hug.

He still placed his hand on his shoulder to stroke his back.

„Listen to me. I know you've seen things you never should have seen and my job is not easy and harmless. But I want you to know, that I've learned to do what I have to do, long time before you were born. This was an accident and it could have ended much worse without my bullet proofed vest. I'm really sorry for scarrying you. But my job is to save others. And that's why I became a cop."

Regarding the expreion on Terrys face he hesitated to believe what his father said.

„We got the guy who did this and where he is right now, he will never see the sun again, okay?"

Terry nodded, before he allowed himself to sink back into his pillow.

„Alright", Jay put the blanket on him and opened the bottle with fever reducer and gave him a serious look.

He put a teaspoon into Terrys mouth who made a grimace, before he swallowed hard.

„My throat hurts", he wanted to cry again, when Jay crawled next to him and pulled him closer, so his head was resting on his chest .

„I know, but it's gonna be better soon."

Entering the house hours later, Erin found her boyfriend holding their son in his arms, both deeply asleep, surrounded by medication and tissues…


	12. Chapter 12

"Uncle Greg is going to babysit me", Terry screamed through the whole house, while his parents prepared for going out.

"This is gonna be a hell of a weekend."

Jay and Erin looked at their five year old son in surprise.

"Wooohh who told you something like that?", Lindsay wanted to know, recognizing the pre-schooler looking at his father.

"Daddy", he giggled, running to the living room with his lego toy.

Erin reproachfully glanced at Jay. Her view saying, that she was ready to kill him.

"You better watch your language, detective Chuckles junior or I'm coming for you", she hissed and rolled her eyes.

To Jays luck it knocked on the door, so they had to interrupt their discussion.

Terry ran to the entrance and opened.

"Mommy! Daddy! Uncle Greg is here!", he screamed.

"Hey, buddy", Mouse ran his hand through Terrys hair, before he showed the toy he hid behind.

"Look, what I got for us."

Terrys eyes widened when he recognized a lego train.

"Did you bought that for you or for him?", Jay joked, being punched by Erin seconds later.

Mouse just smiled, raised and lowered his shoulder, before he helped Terry to unwrap the box.

"You know what? That set has over 600 pieces", Greg explained to Terry.

"Looks like a long night for you", Jay joked, patting on his best friends shoulder. Thats when Erin walked closer.

"Listen, Greg. Make yourself comfortable. You can eat everything you're going to find in the fridge."

"Except my pasta and my garden salat."

"Jay!", Erin shouted, getting her boyfriend to be calm.

"Don't take him for serious. Just feel like you're at home. I left our phone numbers on the counter. Just in case something really important happens. Bed time is around 10. Terry knows the rules. No candy after he brushed his teeth. If you want, you can read him a good night story. We still stuck at the story with the big red barn."

Greg seemed a little overwhelmed, but finally nodded bravely.

"We might be back between 10 or 11 o clock. You're going to sleep in the guest room."

"Erin, I…."

"No discussion", Jay interrupted Mouse, knowing that he already wanted to ask to be driven at home..

CPDCPDCPDCPD

"This was fantastic. We should repeat this", Erin gave Jay a long kiss on their drive home, after they had to stop in front of a flash-light.

"You better wait until we get home", Halstead joked.

"I've probably missed to tell you, but Greg was fired after his first day of babysitting as a high school student."

"Wait, what?"

Erin looked at her boyfriend in shock and let go of his grib.

"You've got to be kidding me", Erin answered, when Jay moved his hand.

"Come on. This was years ago."

"What did he do?"

Halstead remained in silence.

"Jay!", Erin forced him to answer, while he rolled his eyes.

"He forgot to take care of the oven, so one of the neighbors called 911 what alarmed the fire station. It's not even worthy to talk about it. He had learned from his mistakes."

Erins eyes got wide.

"Tell me, you're joking."

"Erin."

"Alright, we're going to drive home."

"Don't you think that you are overacting?"

"Overacting? Says the guy that leaves his 5 year old son with a pyromaniac."

"This is hilarious. It's years ago."

But Lindsay already turned into another street that would directly lead them to their apartment.

"You know what? Forget what I've said. I can't believe that you're really that ignorant."

"Ignorant? We're talking about Mouse here. You treat him like he killed somebody."

Erin didn't respond.

She just kept driving, until they reached home where she parked the car in the garage.

"You should have told me earlier."

"And that would have changed what? Greg belongs to my best friends for a reason. I would give my life for him. And you know why? Because he carried me on his back through one of the most dangerous places. He could have let me die in the dirt. But instead that he risked his own ass to save me. He can be messy sometimes. But I'm sure that he's the best god father that Terry could have get."

"I hope you're right."

Finally Lindsay was the first one who entered the house.

"Seems like everything is fine. No broken window. No firefighters."

"Jag-off", Erin whispered until she stopped and couldn't help but smiled, when she recognised two people lying on the couch.

Terry was sleeping next to Mouse, who had protectively wrapped an arm around him, while snorring.

"Look at that", Jay smiled, removing a self-painted picture that said „To Mommy and Daddy" and included a little boy holding hands with two grown-ups.

With Terry not able to write, it was obvious that Greg was the one who had encouraged their son to paint it.

"Seems like someone needs to excuse", Jay smile, while Erins face turned red…


End file.
